shaved head

shaved head
Channelling GI Jane

Friday, October 15, 2010

Day: Friday Before Chemo Round 4

Feeling great. Can you tell? I haven't been writing. I've lost count of what day it is. I've been remiss in drinking my water and taking my glutamine, so I may pay this round. I will start today. I'm going to start keeping a list of things on my person that chemo has changed; for better and for worse. #1- for the better: It has erased a horrible malady I have sufferred from for 15 years or more on my hands. The doctors would tell me I had dishydrosis (whatever that means) and that there was no cure and no thoughts as to the cause. One doctor eleborated a bit more and told me that the sweat glands in my hands did not work corectly. So, how would chemo change that? It pulls out all the moisture in the body. Hmmmm. Anyways, for the first time in many years I have beautifully smooth hands. I just cry when I look at them. Even Erich remarked, "Oh honey, they are so soft," and he just held my hand. I pray this fix lasts forever.

I finally found some books to pull me away from reading Sookie Stackhouse for the 10th time. I'm reading Bram Stoker's Dracula and The Bible (old testament) & Rashi's Daughter. I'm into them. I'm glad to have the distraction for I am beginning to feel anxious about chemo on Monday. That feeling of anticipation; wanting it to come so it is under your belt, but also fear of the pain and the horrible side effects. This last round came and went very quickly it feels and I can't believe I'm facing it again. But, then round 4 will be under my belt. My second CT scan will be at the end of the month and I will be happy to hear some real stats on my tumor. Will also consult with plastic reconstructive surgeon that week. I will rest a little easier after meeting with her. I have never liked the appearance of my breasts and how wonderful if she gave me a new pair that I loved! Never in a million years did I think I would be considering saving my old nipples vs. manufactured ones, and using belly fat vs. silicon implants, etc. What a crazy fucked up time! Although the chemo diet was yet another I have failed :) I am happy that I continue to stay very strong (and maintain my weight going in). Everyone is extremely pleased with how well I have come through this (my doctor and nurses). I'm not sure I have an idea yet as to how chemo has changed my life, but I'm sure it will come to me, maybe as I'm healing. My children are getting restless and I wonder if they too are anxious anticipating Monday's chemo. They act out like wild animals, of course they have been known to do that before the cancer. We try to be patient and show them even more love when they act up, but some days I've been known to threaten to put them on the curb with a "for sale" sign on them. I don't have much patience some days. We are off to the pumkin patch today.

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