shaved head
Channelling GI Jane
Monday, October 25, 2010
Day 8: Round 4 and Pissed Off
Today finds me in a really pissy mood. I can't stand to look at myself anymore. I don't know who the person in the mirror is anymore. I am puffy and round and bald and I lost a chunk of my eyebrow. FUCK! I meet with the plastic surgeon on Wed. and I feel like I've waited years for this consult and now I'm forced to undergo these surgeries at my fattest and bloatedness. WHat will that mean to my surgery? And I still don't feel normal a week later. I hurt. I'm done with this chemo round shit. ANd what the fuck, husband? He just fell to pieces this round. He was no help to me or the kids. I'm pissed that his baggage is interfereing in this process now. That's why I always say, deal with your issues. Waiting just makes it suck more for the person and all of those around. This round I could see it taking its toll on my boys. Frederich wouldn't come near me during my worst days and Evan wanted to sit on top of me and rub my hand. It broke my heart and I have been dreaming about the boys being kidnapped and hurt since. Erich suggested that he take the boys camping during my worst days next round and I think that is a great solution. He will have to be present for them if he's alone. My last round he will be out of town for the weekend and that may also be best. I'm just having a bad day. I don't have them often, but when I do watch out! Underneath all this attitude is a woman very thankful for the love and support of her friends and family.:)
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Hey Rock. Remember what I said before; about what I heard, and borrowed from Rocky Balboa. That life is not all sunshine and rainbows. This world is a mean and very nasty place and, no matter how tough you are, it will beat you down to your knees and keep you there, permanently, if you let it. You, me, or nobody will ever hit as hard as life; but it's not how hard you hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It's how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.
ReplyDeleteHoney, you’re a WINNER. And you’re going to keep moving forward because you’ve got people who love you and are behind you to make sure that you DO NOT fall; DO NOT fail; and are here to make sure that you succeed. I know what you are going through; you’re going through pure hell! NO ONE knows that any better than I do. You’re going to come out on the other side. And know that we are with you every step of the way.
Don’t forget; the worse you feel is a reminder that you’re just that much closer to being finished with this episode.