Day 1: Round 5 Chemo...Here We Go Again

Wow! Round 5 administered today. Only .5 liters of fluid intravenously. I will get 1 liter tomorrow. Took only 1 steroid tablet yesterday and I will take 2 tomorrow. I'm tapering off my steroids so I stop retaining water & bloat and stop eating everything that isn't bolted down. I weighed in today and I have put on 15 pounds since starting chemo. My nurse practitioner tells me it only gets worse with hormone therapy (Tamoxafin). What the f**k? I mean really talk about adding insult to injury. So as soon as I can I will excercise every day and subsist on boiled chicken and a green vegetable. Tomorrow I go in for fluids and that nasty Neulasta shot. Mom is coming to stay with me Thurs. late afternoon until Friday night. Evan is going to his auntie's house Thurs. morning until Sat. afternoon. Fred is staying with me and my mom. The kids have Thursday (Veteran's Day) off and Friday is a furlough day. Erich is working. I asked my NP if I could start coloring my stubble because it is coming in all white. She said I could if I used a natural hair color, but I really should wait until after my last chemo. Damn. I met a very nice man in the cubicle next to me today. He was getting his second round of chemo and complaining about shaving his head because his hair was falling out. He said to me, "It takes a very strong and beautiful woman to go bald." I immediately deflected his compliment by saying I didn't think I was either of those I just couldn't be bothered to do anything else. He assured me that I was indeed both. He has no idea how good that made me feel. I had decided weeks ago that anytime I saw a woman clearly bald from chemo that I would make sure to pay her a positive comment. You walk around feeling like a biological defect. Most people stare at you and then turn away. I think our reptilian brains are still programmed to flee from those who are sick/damaged. I have a defferent perspective now.